Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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