Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
