Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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