i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
smell my finger.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Randomize
