Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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