when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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