You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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