a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
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