What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
