dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
