i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
