you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
i wish my penis had a tongue
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
