I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
