"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
