Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
