just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
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