see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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