mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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