Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize