On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
