By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
