Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
