I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
