wakey wakey hands off snakey
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
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