I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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