You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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