So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
