none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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