dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
