I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
