Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
the room spins SO much faster in panama
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
