1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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