New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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