I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
