can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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