I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize
