D3 body, D1 cock
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
