there's paper in my vomit.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
