i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
We're using joints as your birthday candles
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Randomize
