Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
