last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
