If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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