now i know why i became what i already was.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
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