i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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