How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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