that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize