we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
