I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
