i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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