he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
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