So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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