I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
