if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
