did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
