my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
