dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
