I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
