I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
