i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Randomize
