how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
