You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
