We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
