How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
