I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
