I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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