She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
She needs sedatives and a leash
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Randomize
