He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
