god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
